treatment and my moments

Clive's treatment was to be 12 weeks of chemotherapy in 3 week cycles, with each cycle starting off with an intravenous dose then he took tablets for 2 weeks with a week  break in between. He started it 2 days before Christmas, so Christmas was a bit hard for all of us as Clive was on steroids to stop him feeling sick but instead they made him so tired that he was slurring his words like he was drunk, but honest he wasn't! Also one of the main side affects for the chemotherapy Clive was on was a feeling that he could only describe as pins and needles, but it could be very painful and it only happened when he got cold or touched anything cold, so going to the fridge was out of the question. I remember one day forgetting and asking him to get the milk out for me and he said 'yes' then I saw him putting his gloves on! He would also wear gloves around the house and we used to joke and say he looked like a serial killer! We used to call this feeling his fimbly feeling. Clive has dealt with this all so well and I have dealt with it as best I can but sometimes I have a 'moment' which is what I like to call it when I get upset it can be something as simple as Clive going to work in London for the day and I get upset worrying about him. I am not a weak person but when it happened a friend picked me up for coffee as Clive had the car, I thought I would be fine but we walked in the coffee shop and i felt so vulnerable all I wanted to do was go home to my nice safe house. as I am typing this I soundd so pathetic but this was just one of the many emotions I went through. I also started to think that I needed to commit every thing to memory, that when we cuddled Clive used to ask "are you smelling me " and I will admit I was. I just wanted to remember every thing about cuddling him because I just did not want to ever imagine not being able to remember what it was like, because when you hear the word cancer the thing you think of is how many people have died from it, not how many have survived it .